What makes a good pet? Dogs
are loyal but hard work. Every time you go anywhere you
need to think, ‘what about Rover? If he
isn’t happy, he’ll tell you in a very loud
Like small children, dogs expect you to clean up the mess they make. In return they’ll let you share their fleas. And scratch your furniture. And jump on you with wet dirty paws. And lick your face. Thanks Rover.
Cat lovers think their
animals are perfect pets. ‘They’re clean
and quiet,’ they say. ‘They look after
themselves.’ But have you ever seen a cat empty
a litter tray? Or sing in tune?
The average cat is like a teenager. He sleeps half the day. He doesn’t pay for his food. The only exercise he gets is walking from the sofa to the food bowl
And don’t expect much loyalty from your furry ‘friend’. If Tiddles finds better food, Tiddles moves house.
To a dog you’re
the master. To a cat you’re
staff. Cats think a half-dead mouse is a good
present. And they don’t mind giving you fleas
There are other pets, of course. Hamsters are fine - for kids. A pet you can put in your pocket? That doesn’t seem very adult. Nor does a floppy-eared rabbit.
And small creatures need the security arrangements of an American president. One false move and they’re another beast’s breakfast.